yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize