i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
