last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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