he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
40s are totally the cure
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
