8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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