Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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