Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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