I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
