Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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