Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
