I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
