I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
