some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
