So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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