i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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