A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
