so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
