So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
