If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
