my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
