Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
