She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
