So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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