I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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