The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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