I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
