Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
