I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
