Define "chronic" masturbator.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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