theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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