You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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