Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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