What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
