you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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