It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
