like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
