How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
