So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
