Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
