Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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