Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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