So drunk its hurt
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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