i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
