It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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