Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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