my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
