Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
zippers are such a cool invention
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Randomize
