giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
