Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
