I showed him my bush... on skype.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
