you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
