Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
