I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize