Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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