Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What drink are we having for lunch?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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