dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
