Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
