I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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