In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
