I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
