Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
