But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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