There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
