She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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