i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
where am i from again
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
