Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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