he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
