Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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