I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize