I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
