I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
