I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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