how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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