i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
