i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
