it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize