Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
