Screwed.edu
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
