When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
