look no pants
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
