You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
