just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize