im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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