He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
